Eros: Diving In

First of all let me say that I am by no stretch of the imagination an expert on the matter of Eros, or as C.S. Lewis defines it "that state which we call 'being in love'." I have very little if any experience with it at all and many of my ideas on it are still in the formative stage being shaped by experiences that broaden my understanding. What I do have is a desire for Eros, a desire that is part of every human being. That desire that begins before we have even tasted it is one of those things that makes it seem so divine, as it is similar to our deepest longing for God, we long for him well before we have any experience of intimacy with him.

One of the things that I appreciated about Lewis examination of Eros was his statement that "We must not be totally serious about Venus." By Venus he is referring to sexuality, especially as a part of Eros. I think this can be extended to Eros in its entirety. While both sex and love are both glorious things that should not be treated frivolously that does not mean that they must be treated with utter solemnity. There needs to be a merriment and laughter mixed in. Perhaps we can learn a little bit from the young boy with a crush who teases that girl without end. Now we cannot take it to the same extreme as the young boy who will not admit his feelings and who may in fact hurt the girl badly, but both love and shared sexuality must be able to endure some teasing. In any romantic relationship, I feel that the couple needs to be able to laugh at each other as well as with each other, especially when it comes to Venus. As Lewis says "Banish play and laughter from the bed of love and you may let in a false goddess." That is you let in the idea that it should always satisfy and that it can offer more than it in reality can.

That seriousness can go so far as to create an idol of Eros itself, and Lewis talks of that. In a sense it becomes an idol because we take Eros at his word when he says that he is infinite and unchanging.  Lewis says "To be in love is both to intend and promise fidelity." At the same time however Lewis points out that "all the time the grim joke is that this Eros whose voice seems to speak from the eternal realm is not himself necessarily even permanent. He is notoriously the most mortal of our loves." Eros is in fact fleeting and therefore we must not take it too seriously but instead we must use it as motivation to develop our ability to actively love. Lewis in his radio broadcast on Eros spoke of it as diving into a pool. Diving gets you into the pool but once in it you can't continue to dive you have to start to swim.